y did u give ur computer a hand job?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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