do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it hurts more in the daytime
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
