You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
