I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
