So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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