Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
