none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
