The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
