and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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