You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
