Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
