saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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