I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
