So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
