Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize