I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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