I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You smell like stripper and shame
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
