i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
