I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Let's get the cat blown out
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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