We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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