Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We smell like vodka and hangover
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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