I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Bring me that man meat
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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