I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize