Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize