Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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