nut hugger
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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