I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize