My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
