dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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