And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
