Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
