So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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