just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
