My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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