There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
