Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
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