Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
