i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
