She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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