btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
