"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
