Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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