FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
