Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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