I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize