Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Randomize
