I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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