I need to stop coming to work sober
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
