I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
