Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize