My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
