dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i think my cat just said my name.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
