had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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