I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
