I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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