I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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