went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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