Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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