My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
