Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
