Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize