We won't sleep together?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
