i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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