It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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