dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
