I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
