you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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