He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
