okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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