We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
