and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
