How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
