So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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