dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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