Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
