Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
