youre lurking in front of me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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