I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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