Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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