I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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