Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I smell stomach acid.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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