Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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