My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
