I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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