i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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