I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
