Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize