you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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