i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
