it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
