I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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