12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
