Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize