Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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