allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
