Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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