Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
