we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
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