I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
