She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
