I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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