How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
