I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
