Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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