Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
