Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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