I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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