If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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