considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
