Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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