You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Michael Bay diarrhea
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I will be naked everywhere
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
