You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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