you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
