I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
